saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Mom said you looked used
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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