New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
