When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
