I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
