Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
