It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
