she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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