this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
