He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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