Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
