In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
