my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
no you cant smoke seaweed
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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