i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
