Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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