im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
