At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
