Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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