I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize