let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
