I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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