Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
