I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
