Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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