I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize