I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
