found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
