i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
