So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
