May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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