my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
