He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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