My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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