I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
