eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
