Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well I just put wine in my tea
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
