I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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