My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize