Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
His hands were made for my vagina.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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