P.S. I can't hear my feet
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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