God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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