jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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