I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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