where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
