Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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