I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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