you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
