I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
