So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
