I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
