This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
