I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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