On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
