since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
