plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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