:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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