Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
