i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
