took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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