So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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