We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
