Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
