there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
