She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
