life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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