I think im going to throw up on grandma
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
