He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
