tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
